cuculrebi1983.netlify.com
Good Texas Holdem Hands
Texas Hold’em poker is everywhere these days — on TV, online, and in clubs and casinos. Before you sit down to a game of Texas Hold ’em, make sure you’re in good shape to be successful — take care of non-poker issues and check your physical, mental, and financial status. During the game, you need to understand basic odds and playable hands, as well as how to bluff successfully and follow proper poker etiquette. Texas Hold ‘Em also has its own abbreviations for online play.
A pair of aces, also known as 'pocket rockets' (and sometimes 'American Airlines') is the best starting hand for Texas Hold 'em. Be wary of how many other players enter the pot, as more players increase the likelihood of someone beating your aces.
All Texas Hold’em starting hands can be separated into two categories: “suited” and “offsuit”. Suited hands contain two cards of the same suit, like J♣9♣, A ♥ K ♥, K♠Q♠ and 9 ♦ 3 ♦. All other starting hands are in the offsuit category, like A♠8 ♦, 7♣5 ♥ and K ♥ 9 ♦. Playing A5, A4, A3, and A2 in Texas Holdem. Playing pocket Ace Five, Ace Four, Ace Three, and Ace Two Off Suit and Ace Five, Ace Four, Ace Three, and Ace Two Suited in Texas Hold'em Poker. If you have been following this series, you will notice that most of the articles contain advice about only one hand. Pocket tens is essentially the best hand out of a lower-tiered group of starting hands. It’s still a very good hand against rags but it’s crushed by the aforementioned AA, KK. A good strategy for beginners Texas Holdem poker and part of learning how to get better at poker is to sit down and remember the types of hands below, the winning poker hands. For winning hands in Omaha poker check here.
Playable Texas Hold’em Hands
Texas Hold’em is a game of strategy, like any poker game, but where you’re sitting in relation to the action becomes part of your strategy when playing Hold’em. If you bet early, you generally need better cards than you do if you’re one of the blinds. The following table offers sound advice on what hands are playable when you’re sitting in different positions.
Questions to Ask Yourself before You Play Texas Hold’em
Whether you’re playing Texas Hold’em for fun or money — make that whether you’re playing for high stakes or low stakes — make sure you’re in a position mentally, physically, and financially to enjoy the game and make the most of your chances. Ask yourself these questions before you sit down to a game:
What is the purpose of my playing this session? Whether it’s to learn more, win money, or just hang with friends for a good time, make sure you know why you’re there and that you’re doing everything you can to accomplish that goal.
If I were to play an opponent who’s exactly the same as a well-rested, un-stressed version of me, would that person have an advantage? If the answer is “yes,” hold off on playing until you’re in a better psychological and physical state.
Can my bankroll handle this level of play? If not, play a lower level.
Are there any distractions in my life that I need to get rid of before I play? Pay your rent, walk your dog, call your significant other — whatever it is, get it out of your head so you can focus.
Do I know if the house I’m playing in has any bonuses for players such as bad beat jackpots, high hands, free food and/or drinks for players, or freeroll tournaments? If not, ask a floorperson before you start playing and find out about the details of how you can qualify.
Is there an aggressive person at the table I’ll be playing at? If so, try to get yourself seated to his left so you see the raises before your action and not after.
What do I know about the people sitting at the table? Whatever it is, use it to your advantage.
Rough Odds for Texas Hold’em
Playing poker is about playing the odds. The following list gives the odds for outcomes in Texas Hold’em hands. When you realize how heavily the odds are stacked against you, you may want to rethink going all-in before the flop with two suited cards. Use the odds to your advantage:
1 percent (1-in-100): Percentage of time that no player holds an Ace or a King at a table in a 10-handed game
1 percent (1-in-100): Percentage of time that if you hold two suited cards, you’ll flop a flush
6 percent (about 1-in-20): Percentage of time that five community cards will give pocket suited cards a flush
6 percent (about 1-in-20): Percentage of time that you’ll be dealt a pocket pair
8 percent (about 1-in-12): Percentage of time that you’ll hit at least trips after having a pair on the flop
12 percent (about 1-in-8): Percentage of time that you’ll flop trips if holding a pocket pair
12 percent (about 1-in-8): Percentage of time that two more cards will flop in the same suit as a suited pocket pair
19 percent (about 1-in-5): Percentage of time that the five community cards will at least trip your pocket pair
32 percent (about 1-in-3): Percentage of time that you’ll pair one of your cards on the flop (with no pocket pair)
33 percent (about 1-in-3): Percentage of time that you’ll make a full house or better after having trips on the flop
35 percent (about 1-in-3): Percentage of time that you’ll make a flush on the turn or river if you have four cards to a flush after the flop
Texas Hold’em Bluffing Tips
What makes any poker game exciting, and Texas Hold’em is certainly no exception, is that players can bluff at any point. Sometimes half the fun of a game is seeing whether you can successfully bluff an opponent out of some money. But, even as you’re misleading your opponents, make sure you bluff in the right circumstances. Heed these bluffing tips:
Best Texas Holdem Hands Preflop
Only bluff where it makes a difference to your standing — either in a tournament or to your stack of chips.
Be careful bluffing someone considerably worse than you are. He may call just to see what you have, or on some probabilistically low draw when he already has you beaten anyway.
Bluff in situations where the board hints at the great hand you do not have: straights and flushes being hinted at by the board, the turn of an Ace, and so on.
Don’t try to bluff players who only play the most solid of hands if they’re still in the pot.
Don’t bluff people who are extremely likely to call.
Do bluff the timid or people who are likely to fold.
Remember that it’s easier to bluff in No-Limit than Limit because the bets (both implied and real) are bigger.
Poker Etiquette for Texas Hold’em
The etiquette tips in the following list apply to Texas Hold’em and to any other poker game. Sure, you can have fun while you play poker, but you can have all the fun you want without being impolite to the other players or the dealer. Basic poker etiquette includes these tips:
Always play in turn.
Be aware of when it’s your turn to post the blinds and do so promptly.
Any time there is a discrepancy at the table, talk to the dealer — not the other players — about it. If you’re not able to get satisfaction from the dealer, ask for a floorperson. Talking with other players about the problem you perceive may generate ill will among people who have no authority in the situation in the first place.
Place your bets in front of you. Do not splash them into the pot.
Do not show your hand to other players at the table while a hand is in progress.
Tell the dealer when you intend to raise. In No-Limit, gather the amount that you’re going to raise and either announce the total, or move it all forward with one motion. This prevents being called on a “string raise.”
Don’t forget to tip your dealer. Dealers work for minimum wage and rely on tips for their livelihood.
Online Poker Abbreviations for Texas Hold’em
Playing online poker in general, and Texas Hold’em in particular, is a very popular pastime. When you’re online, you may encounter abbreviations specific to the world of poker. To understand what other players are saying, get familiar with these online abbreviations:
Abbreviation | What It Means | Abbreviation | What It Means |
---|---|---|---|
86 | To remove or ban | ne1 | Anyone |
brb | Be right back | nh | Nice hand |
gc/nc | Slightly sarcastic phrase meaning good catch/nice catch | gg | Good game |
lol | Laughing out loud | gl | Good luck |
nl | No-Limit | ty | Thank you |
n1 | Nice one | 🙂 | Smiley face (view sideways) |
Introduction
The following table ranks the top hands in an 8-player game. This table assumes that all players stay in until the end.
Explanation of column headings.- Cards: Initial two-card hand.
- Probability of win: Probability that this hand will win, or tie for the win.
- Average win: This is how much the player will win on average, including his own bets, if the player does win. This is less than 8 because sometimes the player will have to split the pot.
- Expected value: This is how many units the player can expected to win (positive) or lose (negative) with this hand. For example if the player had a pair of aces and contibuted $1 to the pot then the player could expect to have a net win of $2.09.
- Probability: Probability of getting this hand to begin with.
- Additive probability: Probability of getting this hand or any stronger hand to begin with.
Initial Hold'em Hands in Rank Order for 8-Player Game
Cards | Probability of Win | Average Win | Expected Value | Probability | Additive Probability |
Pair of A's | 39.05% | 7.94 | 2.099 | 0.45% | 0.45% |
Pair of K's | 33.26% | 7.92 | 1.6328 | 0.45% | 0.9% |
Pair of Q's | 28.71% | 7.88 | 1.2628 | 0.45% | 1.36% |
A/K suited | 26% | 7.67 | 0.9953 | 0.3% | 1.66% |
Pair of J's | 25.13% | 7.84 | 0.9705 | 0.45% | 2.11% |
A/Q suited | 24.51% | 7.6 | 0.8628 | 0.3% | 2.41% |
K/Q suited | 23.72% | 7.61 | 0.8043 | 0.3% | 2.71% |
A/J suited | 23.41% | 7.53 | 0.7616 | 0.3% | 3.02% |
Pair of T's | 22.32% | 7.79 | 0.7395 | 0.45% | 3.47% |
A/K unsuited | 22.68% | 7.61 | 0.7264 | 0.9% | 4.37% |
K/J suited | 22.66% | 7.53 | 0.7073 | 0.3% | 4.68% |
A/T suited | 22.55% | 7.45 | 0.6803 | 0.3% | 4.98% |
Q/J suited | 22.1% | 7.52 | 0.6622 | 0.3% | 5.28% |
K/T suited | 21.87% | 7.47 | 0.633 | 0.3% | 5.58% |
Q/T suited | 21.38% | 7.45 | 0.5936 | 0.3% | 5.88% |
J/T suited | 21.26% | 7.44 | 0.5813 | 0.3% | 6.18% |
A/Q unsuited | 20.98% | 7.51 | 0.5765 | 0.9% | 7.09% |
Pair of 9's | 19.89% | 7.81 | 0.5527 | 0.45% | 7.54% |
K/Q unsuited | 20.31% | 7.52 | 0.5281 | 0.9% | 8.45% |
A/9 suited | 20.28% | 7.39 | 0.4981 | 0.3% | 8.75% |
A/J unsuited | 19.7% | 7.41 | 0.4607 | 0.9% | 9.65% |
K/9 suited | 19.5% | 7.42 | 0.4466 | 0.3% | 9.95% |
A/8 suited | 19.66% | 7.32 | 0.4386 | 0.3% | 10.26% |
K/J unsuited | 19.1% | 7.43 | 0.4183 | 0.9% | 11.16% |
Pair of 8's | 18.19% | 7.79 | 0.4164 | 0.45% | 11.61% |
T/9 suited | 19.18% | 7.38 | 0.4162 | 0.3% | 11.92% |
Q/9 suited | 19.03% | 7.41 | 0.4107 | 0.3% | 12.22% |
J/9 suited | 18.96% | 7.4 | 0.4032 | 0.3% | 12.52% |
A/5 suited | 19.29% | 7.21 | 0.3914 | 0.3% | 12.82% |
A/7 suited | 19.12% | 7.26 | 0.3883 | 0.3% | 13.12% |
Q/J unsuited | 18.67% | 7.41 | 0.3832 | 0.9% | 14.03% |
A/T unsuited | 18.74% | 7.31 | 0.3705 | 0.9% | 14.93% |
A/4 suited | 18.86% | 7.23 | 0.3638 | 0.3% | 15.23% |
A/6 suited | 18.62% | 7.22 | 0.3448 | 0.3% | 15.54% |
A/3 suited | 18.41% | 7.26 | 0.336 | 0.3% | 15.84% |
K/T unsuited | 18.18% | 7.33 | 0.3328 | 0.9% | 16.74% |
K/8 suited | 18.05% | 7.33 | 0.3234 | 0.3% | 17.04% |
Pair of 7's | 16.85% | 7.77 | 0.309 | 0.45% | 17.5% |
Q/T unsuited | 17.83% | 7.32 | 0.3044 | 0.9% | 18.4% |
J/T unsuited | 17.86% | 7.3 | 0.3041 | 0.9% | 19.31% |
A/2 suited | 17.86% | 7.28 | 0.2997 | 0.3% | 19.61% |
T/8 suited | 17.68% | 7.32 | 0.2949 | 0.3% | 19.91% |
Q/8 suited | 17.51% | 7.34 | 0.285 | 0.3% | 20.21% |
J/8 suited | 17.44% | 7.33 | 0.2792 | 0.3% | 20.51% |
K/7 suited | 17.57% | 7.27 | 0.2777 | 0.3% | 20.81% |
9/8 suited | 17.31% | 7.38 | 0.2768 | 0.3% | 21.12% |
K/6 suited | 17.17% | 7.23 | 0.2413 | 0.3% | 21.42% |
Pair of 6's | 15.84% | 7.75 | 0.2282 | 0.45% | 21.87% |
K/5 suited | 16.83% | 7.2 | 0.2117 | 0.3% | 22.17% |
8/7 suited | 16.38% | 7.35 | 0.2033 | 0.3% | 22.47% |
K/4 suited | 16.44% | 7.22 | 0.1869 | 0.3% | 22.78% |
9/7 suited | 16.2% | 7.33 | 0.1868 | 0.3% | 23.08% |
T/7 suited | 16.3% | 7.26 | 0.1827 | 0.3% | 23.38% |
Q/7 suited | 16.22% | 7.25 | 0.1756 | 0.3% | 23.68% |
A/9 unsuited | 16.27% | 7.2 | 0.1711 | 0.9% | 24.59% |
J/7 suited | 16.07% | 7.26 | 0.1662 | 0.3% | 24.89% |
K/3 suited | 16.06% | 7.26 | 0.1653 | 0.3% | 25.19% |
Pair of 5's | 14.93% | 7.73 | 0.1542 | 0.45% | 25.64% |
7/6 suited | 15.66% | 7.33 | 0.1481 | 0.3% | 25.94% |
K/2 suited | 15.7% | 7.29 | 0.1446 | 0.3% | 26.24% |
Q/6 suited | 15.85% | 7.2 | 0.1417 | 0.3% | 26.55% |
T/9 unsuited | 15.71% | 7.21 | 0.1332 | 0.9% | 27.45% |
K/9 unsuited | 15.62% | 7.24 | 0.1308 | 0.9% | 28.36% |
8/6 suited | 15.37% | 7.3 | 0.1223 | 0.3% | 28.66% |
Q/5 suited | 15.56% | 7.17 | 0.1158 | 0.3% | 28.96% |
Pair of 4's | 14.31% | 7.76 | 0.1103 | 0.45% | 29.41% |
J/9 unsuited | 15.34% | 7.22 | 0.1081 | 0.9% | 30.32% |
6/5 suited | 15.12% | 7.32 | 0.1067 | 0.3% | 30.62% |
Q/9 unsuited | 15.27% | 7.23 | 0.1044 | 0.9% | 31.52% |
A/8 unsuited | 15.55% | 7.1 | 0.1037 | 0.9% | 32.43% |
Q/4 suited | 15.16% | 7.2 | 0.0916 | 0.3% | 32.73% |
9/6 suited | 14.99% | 7.26 | 0.0891 | 0.3% | 33.03% |
5/4 suited | 14.74% | 7.32 | 0.0789 | 0.3% | 33.33% |
T/6 suited | 15.03% | 7.18 | 0.0785 | 0.3% | 33.63% |
Pair of 3's | 13.83% | 7.8 | 0.0782 | 0.45% | 34.09% |
7/5 suited | 14.74% | 7.29 | 0.0741 | 0.3% | 34.39% |
Q/3 suited | 14.81% | 7.24 | 0.0721 | 0.3% | 34.69% |
J/6 suited | 14.92% | 7.17 | 0.0691 | 0.3% | 34.99% |
Pair of 2's | 13.49% | 7.83 | 0.057 | 0.45% | 35.44% |
Q/2 suited | 14.46% | 7.28 | 0.0524 | 0.3% | 35.75% |
A/5 unsuited | 15.1% | 6.95 | 0.0489 | 0.9% | 36.65% |
A/7 unsuited | 14.94% | 7.01 | 0.0473 | 0.9% | 37.56% |
J/5 suited | 14.66% | 7.13 | 0.0454 | 0.3% | 37.86% |
6/4 suited | 14.07% | 7.33 | 0.0306 | 0.3% | 38.16% |
8/5 suited | 14.22% | 7.24 | 0.0303 | 0.3% | 38.46% |
J/4 suited | 14.28% | 7.16 | 0.0222 | 0.3% | 38.76% |
A/4 unsuited | 14.63% | 6.96 | 0.0184 | 0.9% | 39.67% |
5/3 suited | 13.71% | 7.33 | 0.0049 | 0.3% | 39.97% |
J/3 suited | 13.92% | 7.2 | 0.0023 | 0.3% | 40.27% |
A/6 unsuited | 14.39% | 6.95 | 0 | 0.9% | 41.18% |
T/8 unsuited | 14.07% | 7.11 | -0.0002 | 0.9% | 42.08% |
K/8 unsuited | 14.01% | 7.09 | -0.0059 | 0.9% | 42.99% |
9/5 suited | 13.81% | 7.19 | -0.0066 | 0.3% | 43.29% |
T/5 suited | 13.98% | 7.09 | -0.0092 | 0.3% | 43.59% |
A/3 unsuited | 14.15% | 6.99 | -0.0111 | 0.9% | 44.49% |
9/8 unsuited | 13.73% | 7.18 | -0.0137 | 0.9% | 45.4% |
J/2 suited | 13.59% | 7.24 | -0.0154 | 0.3% | 45.7% |
7/4 suited | 13.48% | 7.28 | -0.0187 | 0.3% | 46% |
J/8 unsuited | 13.68% | 7.11 | -0.0278 | 0.9% | 46.91% |
T/4 suited | 13.64% | 7.11 | -0.0304 | 0.3% | 47.21% |
Q/8 unsuited | 13.6% | 7.11 | -0.0331 | 0.9% | 48.11% |
4/3 suited | 13.09% | 7.37 | -0.0351 | 0.3% | 48.42% |
T/3 suited | 13.3% | 7.15 | -0.049 | 0.3% | 48.72% |
A/2 unsuited | 13.54% | 7.01 | -0.0507 | 0.9% | 49.62% |
K/7 unsuited | 13.48% | 7 | -0.0557 | 0.9% | 50.53% |
6/3 suited | 12.85% | 7.33 | -0.0587 | 0.3% | 50.83% |
8/4 suited | 12.98% | 7.22 | -0.0626 | 0.3% | 51.13% |
T/2 suited | 12.95% | 7.19 | -0.0682 | 0.3% | 51.43% |
5/2 suited | 12.5% | 7.33 | -0.0839 | 0.3% | 51.73% |
8/7 unsuited | 12.79% | 7.13 | -0.0877 | 0.9% | 52.64% |
9/4 suited | 12.71% | 7.16 | -0.0908 | 0.3% | 52.94% |
K/6 unsuited | 13.02% | 6.94 | -0.0972 | 0.9% | 53.85% |
4/2 suited | 12.08% | 7.38 | -0.1079 | 0.3% | 54.15% |
7/3 suited | 12.25% | 7.27 | -0.1101 | 0.3% | 54.45% |
9/3 suited | 12.37% | 7.19 | -0.1108 | 0.3% | 54.75% |
9/7 unsuited | 12.54% | 7.09 | -0.1114 | 0.9% | 55.66% |
T/7 unsuited | 12.55% | 6.98 | -0.1238 | 0.9% | 56.56% |
9/2 suited | 12.03% | 7.24 | -0.1287 | 0.3% | 56.86% |
K/5 unsuited | 12.65% | 6.88 | -0.1298 | 0.9% | 57.77% |
7/6 unsuited | 12.08% | 7.09 | -0.1433 | 0.9% | 58.67% |
8/3 suited | 11.88% | 7.19 | -0.1452 | 0.3% | 58.97% |
3/2 suited | 11.49% | 7.43 | -0.1454 | 0.3% | 59.28% |
6/2 suited | 11.62% | 7.32 | -0.1492 | 0.3% | 59.58% |
Q/7 unsuited | 12.22% | 6.95 | -0.1511 | 0.9% | 60.48% |
J/7 unsuited | 12.18% | 6.97 | -0.1514 | 0.9% | 61.39% |
K/4 unsuited | 12.21% | 6.9 | -0.1579 | 0.9% | 62.29% |
8/2 suited | 11.57% | 7.23 | -0.163 | 0.3% | 62.59% |
8/6 unsuited | 11.7% | 7.04 | -0.1767 | 0.9% | 63.5% |
K/3 unsuited | 11.79% | 6.94 | -0.1818 | 0.9% | 64.4% |
6/5 unsuited | 11.51% | 7.07 | -0.1865 | 0.9% | 65.31% |
Q/6 unsuited | 11.81% | 6.87 | -0.189 | 0.9% | 66.21% |
7/2 suited | 11.19% | 7.24 | -0.1897 | 0.3% | 66.52% |
K/2 unsuited | 11.41% | 6.98 | -0.2035 | 0.9% | 67.42% |
5/4 unsuited | 11.12% | 7.06 | -0.2149 | 0.9% | 68.33% |
9/6 unsuited | 11.22% | 6.97 | -0.2182 | 0.9% | 69.23% |
Q/5 unsuited | 11.46% | 6.82 | -0.2191 | 0.9% | 70.14% |
7/5 unsuited | 11.07% | 7 | -0.2249 | 0.9% | 71.04% |
T/6 unsuited | 11.18% | 6.83 | -0.2361 | 0.9% | 71.95% |
Q/4 unsuited | 11.03% | 6.84 | -0.2454 | 0.9% | 72.85% |
J/6 unsuited | 10.94% | 6.8 | -0.2562 | 0.9% | 73.76% |
6/4 unsuited | 10.39% | 7.05 | -0.2677 | 0.9% | 74.66% |
Q/3 unsuited | 10.63% | 6.88 | -0.2679 | 0.9% | 75.57% |
8/5 unsuited | 10.47% | 6.92 | -0.2757 | 0.9% | 76.47% |
J/5 unsuited | 10.64% | 6.73 | -0.2837 | 0.9% | 77.38% |
Q/2 unsuited | 10.26% | 6.93 | -0.289 | 0.9% | 78.28% |
5/3 unsuited | 10.04% | 7.04 | -0.2936 | 0.9% | 79.19% |
J/4 unsuited | 10.22% | 6.76 | -0.3091 | 0.9% | 80.09% |
9/5 unsuited | 9.97% | 6.82 | -0.3206 | 0.9% | 81% |
7/4 unsuited | 9.73% | 6.95 | -0.3238 | 0.9% | 81.9% |
T/5 unsuited | 10.06% | 6.65 | -0.3308 | 0.9% | 82.81% |
J/3 unsuited | 9.83% | 6.81 | -0.3312 | 0.9% | 83.71% |
4/3 unsuited | 9.38% | 7.08 | -0.336 | 0.9% | 84.62% |
J/2 unsuited | 9.46% | 6.86 | -0.3512 | 0.9% | 85.52% |
T/4 unsuited | 9.66% | 6.67 | -0.3554 | 0.9% | 86.43% |
6/3 unsuited | 9.08% | 7 | -0.3642 | 0.9% | 87.33% |
8/4 unsuited | 9.12% | 6.84 | -0.3766 | 0.9% | 88.24% |
T/3 unsuited | 9.28% | 6.72 | -0.3767 | 0.9% | 89.14% |
5/2 unsuited | 8.73% | 7 | -0.3892 | 0.9% | 90.05% |
T/2 unsuited | 8.93% | 6.76 | -0.3962 | 0.9% | 90.95% |
9/4 unsuited | 8.76% | 6.71 | -0.4126 | 0.9% | 91.86% |
4/2 unsuited | 8.3% | 7.06 | -0.4138 | 0.9% | 92.76% |
7/3 unsuited | 8.41% | 6.88 | -0.4219 | 0.9% | 93.67% |
9/3 unsuited | 8.4% | 6.74 | -0.4338 | 0.9% | 94.57% |
9/2 unsuited | 8.04% | 6.8 | -0.4531 | 0.9% | 95.48% |
3/2 unsuited | 7.67% | 7.12 | -0.4543 | 0.9% | 96.38% |
6/2 unsuited | 7.79% | 6.94 | -0.46 | 0.9% | 97.29% |
8/3 unsuited | 7.96% | 6.73 | -0.4646 | 0.9% | 98.19% |
8/2 unsuited | 7.61% | 6.77 | -0.4844 | 0.9% | 99.1% |
7/2 unsuited | 7.28% | 6.77 | -0.5073 | 0.9% | 100% |
Total | 7.2 | 0 | 100% |
Methodology
This table is the result of a random simulation of 25,729,704,000 games and assumes all players stay in until the end of the hand.
The following table shows my power rating for each initial 2-card hand in a 8-player game. The numbers are on a 0 to 40 scale. Basically, you should only play hands that are dark green, blue, or purple. Of course you should be more be more liberal in late position and picky in early position.
Use the top table if you have a pair, the middle table if your cards are suited, and the bottom table if your cards are unsuited. Except for a pair,look up your high card along the left and your low card along the top.
Good Texas Hold'em Hands
Inside Links
Good Texas Hold'em Hands Chart
Different Hands In Texas Holdem
Written by: Michael Shackleford